Good-bye Mercedes Anne

Mercedes Anne Ellsworth was born and died late Thursday night.  She was born about four and a half months early.  Although her heartbeat was strong just a few hours before she was delivered, her body was just a few weeks too young to survive outside her mom’s womb.

We held her beautiful, tiny body (11 oz; 11 inches) for a little while and cried.

Mari called me Thursday afternoon  in tears.  She was alone with the kids at D & J’s in Virgina and she felt like the baby was trying to come out.  I called Dan, who was working from home at our house in Maryland, and he said he was going to drive down to Virginia.  He picked me up at the metro and we arrived at the Emergency room a few hours later.

Mari was in good spirits.  They had just had an ultrasound, and the baby was moving around and had a strong heartbeat.  But when they got around to the pelvic exam, our hopes were dashed.  Mari was completely dilated and part of the amniotic sac was already outside the uterus.  It could not be put back, and it was too far out to stitch in place.  Also, since it was no longer in the uterus, both the baby and Mari were vulnerable to infection.

The doctors said we had a couple of options.  Mari could lay on her back in a hospital bed for four weeks until the baby was old enough to survive outside the womb, or we could induce labor.  The baby would not survive, but it would take Mari out of danger.  We decided to wait for a day or two to see what happened.  We prayed for a miracle.  I blessed Mari to carry the child to term according to our faith and God’s will (and in my heart, I added, “And according to Mom’s faith,” because I knew Mom would pray for us in heaven and I needed Mom’s help just then).

But Mari’s body decided for us.  She began having strong contractions, and the amniotic sac broke.  Soon afterward, Mercedes Anne was born, but she was dead.  Now we’re in shock, devastated by the loss of our daughter.

And we’re also overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from our family and friends.  We know it’s hard to feel like you’re powerless to help, but we are uplifted by your expressions of love and well-wishes, and we are sincerely grateful for everyone who has been so quick to offer help and so quick to express their love.  It means a lot to us.

We believe that one of our purposes in this life is to receive a body for our spirit.  Some may wonder whether Mercedes, being just a fetus, received a spirit in that little body to fulfill her brief mortal existence.  We do not know.  We only know that she is our daughter, and we love her dearly and miss her dearly.

Mercedes Anne, we love you.

Mercedes' little footprints